It was just over two years ago when Henry proposed to me. He got down on one knee in our living room and did the whole proposal in a proper, old-fashioned way. It took me by surprise. Not only had we lived together quite happily for twenty-eight years (Henry dismissing comments from friends with responses such as ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it’) but I wasn’t accustomed to Henry being the one to deliver surprises, that had been my department over the years — surprise day trips, holidays, birthday treats and so on. And when you are 57, a proposal of marriage is the last thing you expect.
As one of our relations put it: ‘You’d really got us past the ‘will they won’t they?’ point.’
So people had been thinking about our relationship. We had not got married for many reasons: beliefs — more specifically, lack of religious belief to justify marrying in a church — past history (we each had divorced parents), sheer rebellion and finally, lack of money.
Nearly three decades had passed during which we had shared a business partnership in landscaping; raised two children in an unconventional way and gone through major life changes such as selling up to go travelling to New Zealand.
Henry’s proposal included asking me if I would marry him in Akaroa, New Zealand, where we had spent a wonderful Christmas in 2003. Akaroa is a township with a French history, which has special meaning for both of us, and is nestled in a harbour encircled by volcanic mountains, a beautiful, wild, dramatic location — most certainly a romantic backdrop for a wedding.
Having said ‘yes’, of course, and already having travel plans to visit New Zealand in four months’ time, I was now propelled into the biggest organizational challenge of my life:
1) Find a celebrant
2) Select a venue and a date
3) Choose the type of ceremony, wording, music, poems, discussed with celebrant over Skype
4) Discuss accommodation with owner of the venue
5) Arrange for a make-up artist
6) Book a photographer
7) Find a dress!
8) Everyone else buy outfits
9) Buy rings
10) Get a marriage licence
11) Book a restaurant for the evening
12) Make a handfasting ribbon
Although Henry and I made joint decisions, I did a lot of the organizing as I had more time. Long distance arrangements are no barrier to people marrying abroad today, with Skype and emails giving incredibly easy communication, once you take time-differences into account that is.
Our Skype call to our celebrant, Phillipa, took place for us, on a cold, dark November evening, and for her on a hot, sunny morning, it being early summer in the Southern Hemisphere.
Following the initial meeting with Phillipa, plans sped on too quickly, punctuated by Christmas. We had not even booked the flights, which had to be done in early January.
The date of the wedding would be 18 April, our last day in New Zealand. We didn’t have time beforehand to apply for a marriage licence in Christchurch, the nearest city to our wedding venue, as this has to be done three working days in advance of the wedding. Henry and I would have to travel down to London, to New Zealand House, in order to sign the application for a marriage licence in front of a Commonwealth representative and have it sent to New Zealand. We did this roughly a month before the wedding.
The following steps explain process of getting married in New Zealand if you are a British national:
Check if you are eligible to get married
If you don’t have three working days in New Zealand before your intended wedding:
Submit a Notice of Intended Marriage where both parties ordinarily resident outside NZ (form BDM58) at Births, Deaths and Marriages, Department of Internal Affairs, New Zealand House, 80 Haymarket, London SW1Y 4TQ. Or the Sydney office if you are in Australia.
This enables you to receive your marriage licence.
This is done by appointment only and the document is sent to BDM registry office in New Zealand, we paid a small extra fee to have ours couriered from Christchurch to the wedding venue. Christchurch Registry sent an email with the document attached as back-up in case the hard copy was lost in the post. We received the email three days after going to London.
If you are going to give notice of intended marriage in New Zealand this has to be signed in person, completing form BDM 60. It can be done at any registry office in New Zealand, consists of nine steps and takes about 30 minutes.
Or you can complete form BDM58, send it to the nearest registry office to your wedding venue, then go there and sign the declaration before a Registrar of Marriages. You then receive your marriage licence.
A third option is to complete the form and have it processed and emailed to you. You then need to check it through thoroughly and email it to your celebrant.
Get married, sign Particulars of Marriage. Two witnesses required to sign also.
Celebrant sends particulars of marriage to BDM registry within ten days
Receive Marriage Certificate
Change of name if desired
Changing my name was complicated as I added a middle name. I had hankered after this as I was not given one at birth.
So I had to make an unenrolled deed poll. I could have made one and enrolled it with the Royal Courts of Justice but since my research informed me that unenrolled deed polls were widely accepted I found a template on a website, printed it out on expensive paper, signed it in front of two witnesses and started to send it to the various authorities, together with the marriage certificate.
There was a concerning moment when I thought I would need an e-Apostille because of getting married abroad. But after checking with my bank, this was not needed.
I started with the passport office. If they didn’t accept my documents, I reasoned, no one would. Success! The same with the DVLA, then the banks. Only one person looked at my deed poll and questioned its authenticity. I was supplying her with ID in the form of my new passport so I couldn’t see the problem.
Make a long list of all the places you need to change your name with. Some of them will only accept a certified copy of your original document which you have to pay for at a solicitor’s office. The post office told me they no longer offered this service due to the possibility of fraud.
Many authorities were happy to receive copies though the post.
Good luck with your planned wedding and I hope this post has been useful. We found our celebrant extremely helpful in giving advice and information. For further information look at https://www.govt.nz/ and search for Get Married. Also https://www.dia.govt.nz/